


Damage Beyond Repair

by yeoniejjang



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Porn, Blow Jobs, Flirting, Fluff, Hyunjae is an Artist/Bartender, Juyeon is a Bassist, M/M, One Shot, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Rimming, Romance, Sad or Happy Ending?, Semi-Public Sex, Smangst, Switching, Tags Are Hard, angst!! warning u now <3, bratty, chanhee why u do dis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:08:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25634071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeoniejjang/pseuds/yeoniejjang
Summary: “But I didn’t understand it then. That I could hurt somebody so badly they would never recover. That a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair.” - Haruki Murakami.Everyday resembled the last, and it looked like Hyunjae was back to square one; a parallel world that looked identical to when Juyeon wasn’t present in his life.
Relationships: Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Juyeon
Comments: 15
Kudos: 48





	Damage Beyond Repair

**Author's Note:**

> Hi~ this is my first fic pls be gentle :'-)
> 
> I suffered through this ranting on my twt like i was gonna pass out <3
> 
> Here is my contribution to deobi ao3 hehe
> 
> Hope you like! :-D

It happened again. Hyunjae laid in bed alone for the third time that week, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his chest. He didn’t know if it was the fact that he knew Juyeon was slumped against the bedroom door, or if it was the foreboding end to what seemed like the perfect relationship on the fragile surface. One small crack on pristine glass can only lead to a fatal shatter of utter deceit and misled aguish. 

Hyunjae felt like there were shackles holding him back, an inability to approach the one he loves, or maybe now… loved. His thoughts were a blurred line between illusion and the startling reality that had caught him in a vice, an inability to understand or grasp the concept of a world without Juyeon. Like petals of a flower, they fell from the stem, continuously spiralling until there was an impact so strong, it breaks them, arid leaves crumbling at the slightest touch.

~

As a struggling artist by day, and a bartender by night, Hyunjae had felt that he had hit a rut in his life, floating through each day like the last. Bands would play once every week, covering songs and jamming out til the sun flickered through the windows. He never really cared much about who performed, as long as they didn’t give him a battering headache, he would leave his shift a happy man. But that didn’t last long. 

When Hyunjae first laid eyes on Juyeon, it was enough for him to pop a hard on right then and there. Juyeon was part of the band performing that night and to make it worse (or better in a sense), he was a bassist. Hyunjae had turned up to his shift, wearing his usual black denim jeans and tank top knowing that the bar usually gets heated especially when there’s a full house. There in all his glory was a man, dressed in denim shorts and a cropped tank top like a sculptor had chiseled him to perfection. A body harness had been pulled taut against the expanse of his chest, the swell of his defined pectorals visible and the leather accentuating his waist had Hyunjae internally moaning at the way that harness would feel against his back when they f-

He snaps out of his trance when their eyes meet, the stranger detecting Hyunjae openly ogling him from afar, responding with pursed lips and a sly wink. This left Hyunjae to realise: he seems like kind of a dick. Rolling his eyes, he scoffs inaudibly before walking off to get the bar ready for service. 

People start pouring in, the bar now at full capacity. From fans awaiting the upcoming gig, to those who are here to drown in the liquor of their sorrows, speed dialling their exes by the end of the night. Hyunjae had just finished serving some customers when a sudden strum of the bass guitar has his head shooting up towards the platform adjacent to the bar, encountering a pair of unequivocal eyes on him. His stare seems to stupefy Hyunjae, unconscious to the fact that he was holding his breath, his gaze unshakable. The song begins, Hyunjae recognising the tune and when the chorus hits, Juyeon sings — his decadent voice invading the space in Hyunjae’s head.

I would’ve stayed at home  
‘Cause I was doin’ better alone   
But when you said ‘Hello’  
I knew it was the end of it all

Juyeon finally broke their staring competition, effortlessly playing out his bass solo, the concentration on his face and the flexing of his biceps hypnotising Hyunjae until the band reached the end of the performance. The crowd raucously cheers, a wave of gifts and bras being sent flying onto the stage as the band bows, thanking everyone for enjoying their performance. 

——-——————

After the bar had cleared out and the security guards escorted the drunk people safely into their rides home, the man in question approached the bar at an alarming speed due to his elongated limbs. He moved fluidly through the empty space, his eyes unwaveringly directed towards Hyunjae. Hyunjae gaped, unsure if he should ‘act natural’ or if he should just pass out right then and there.

Now, standing face-to-face, Hyunjae can see the perspiration accumulating on his brows, the cuspidate slope of his nose that reaches the glowing crimson of his lips. Hyunjae felt like he was going to burst every blood vessel in his body if he didn't say anything soon, a red flame dancing on his cheeks. 

“Hey, can I get some water please? Feeling kinda thirsty here.” He shot a smug look, his eyes raking down Hyunjae’s body, licking his lips like a wolf beaming at its prey. Hyunjae who had now had all the blood rushing to his face (and dick), conjured up enough confidence to give him a small smile before dropping his face in disgust at how blatantly obvious it was that this man was trying to get into his pants. He may have been carefully cultivated by god, but he wouldn't want a man with such a pompous attitude. As he walks to the other end of the bar, he hears a boisterous laugh from the man himself, vibrating directly into Hyunjae’s brain, rattling within his skull. God, he’s so loud please make it stop. Hyunjae is typically a loud person, but this guy had a megaphone embedded in his throat. He came back with a glass of water, sliding it towards him, wary of any spillage on the recently cleaned countertop. 

“Thanks sweetie, don’t think this is enough to quench my thirst though.” The still unknown man winks seductively towards Hyunjae, chugging the cup of water like he had just spent days in a drought. His neck was bared for Hyunjae’s eyes to observe, decorated with a plethora of tattoos progressively leading down towards his bicep. An idea seemed to play in Hyunjae’s head. Maybe a one night stand can spice things up in my motionless life. 

And so he ran with it.

“You’re still thirsty? I can’t leave my customer dissatisfied.” Hyunjae runs a finger tip against his jawline as he leans into the touch, his eyes glinting with an unreadable emotion. “And may I ask for your name, baby?” Hyunjae bites his lip, before whispering “Why? So you can scream it when I pull your hair back, dearest? I believe it’s Hyunjae hyung to you though baby boy, I’m quite certain I’m older than you.” A whine dies in the back of his throat, his hot breath fanning Hyunjae’s cheek. “Ah Hyunjae hyung, you may call me Juyeon, or any name you want. I’m at your service.” 

Hyunjae spares a glance at the mahogany door, making sure the lock had been put into place and to Hyunjae’s lucky ass, it was. Hyunjae slowly walks around the countertop, tracing his finger on the marble surface, Juyeon’s eyes alone devouring him whole.

“So Juyeon-ssi, I see you play the bass. What else can you do with those big hands of yours?” Hyunjae’s hand goes to card through Juyeon’s hair, a deep rumble audibly surfacing from his chest.

“Hyung, I can do plenty of things with these hands if you let me.”

They stare heatedly into each other’s eyes before their lips collide in a harsh kiss, Juyeon going to bite Hyunjae’s bottom lip after the grip on his hair tightens at a startling rate. He lets out a growl from within his stomach, that has Hyunjae relishing in the control he has over a person he just met. Who knew a game of who can dominate who was this fun? Their tongues slide together harmoniously, tasting each other in a feast of internal desire. They break apart only for Hyunjae to bite at Juyeon’s ear.

“Hyung, shouldn’t we go somewhere more pri-“ he yelps, unable to finish his sentence due to Hyunjae biting down on his neck, a hand still in a vice grip at Juyeon’s nape, while the other palms at his hardening cock through his rigid denim shorts. “Why baby? Are you scared someone will see us being filthy in public? Oh… unless it turns you on knowing that someone could be watching me fuck you into the counter top?” Juyeons hips stutter at the vulgar words spilling from the face of an angel, unable to rid his mind of the mental image Hyunjae had painted out for him.

But, Juyeon had other plans. He pushes Hyunjae against the counter, a bruising hold on his hips to keep him from squirming out of his grip. “Losing isn't in my dictionary. I hope you know what I mean, hyung.” His eyes were so dilated to the point where Hyunjae could barely see the colour in his irises. However, Hyunjae remained unfazed by his taunt, going as far as to laugh. “Yeonie, don’t try to convince yourself that you're on top, cause you already know that I’ve got you in the palm of my hand.”

Hyunjae pulls Juyeon’s harness down, Juyeon’s grip slipping as he’s now on his knees facing Hyunjae’s hard on. Hyunjae quickly unbuckles his belt, pulling down his pants and collecting his undergarments with it. His cock springs free from its confinements, slapping against his stomach as pre-cum leaks from his reddening tip. Juyeon did not expect the tables to turn against his favour, nor did he expect Hyunjae to be hung. Juyeon immediately grabbed a hold of Hyunjae’s length, mesmerised by the vein protruding from underneath.

As if involuntarily, Juyeon sticks out his tongue, running it along the underside just to hear the grunts spill from Hyunjae’s mouth. He reaches the tip, sucking roughly before taking Hyunjae’s whole length in his mouth in one go. Hyunjae’s hands go flying into Juyeon’s blue stained hair, gripping with so much force that Juyeon lets out a moan, a vibration settling around his cock. Hyunjae whines loudly, involuntarily bucking into his mouth, egging Juyeon on even further. Juyeon begins to bob his head faster, saliva collecting incessantly at his bottom lip but he pays no attention, his desire to make Hyunjae see stars burns with ferocity at the sight of the sheer glow on his milky skin. 

“Fuck, baby. Ugh. You suck me off so well, let me fuck your face.” Hyunjae slurs his words with his head up in cloud nine, thinking about how hot Juyeon looks and his glassy feline eyes staring up at him with his cock shoved deep into his mouth. Juyeon nods at a breakneck speed, adjusting his position with a hand hovering hesitantly over the strain in his pants while the other grips the countertop, knuckles going white. Hyunjae now has both hands tucked into his hair, as he rocks slowly into the hot cavern of Juyeon’s mouth. 

All his senses hit with lewd theatrics, from the squelching sound of his length hitting the back of Juyeon’s throat to the way his cock disappears every time he bucks further into Juyeon’s mouth. He looks down into Juyeon’s eyes, clouded with lust and desire, a dark aura oozing off him. His lips slick with saliva and pre-cum, repeatedly shallowing around Hyunjae’s cock, constricting his air supply just to see Hyunjae fall apart from his filthy ministrations. And it’s working because Hyunjae’s thrusts become sloppy, trying to withhold releasing his load down Juyeon’s throat with the smug glare he’s getting from the man kneeling in front of him. 

“Uug- baby keeping doing that, do you want my cum down your throat that badly?” Juyeon emits a low whine from his mouth, his hips canting into the air, desperately search for friction. Hyunjae notices but he doesn't address the possible praise kink, storing it for future humiliation purposes. Knowing that he’s close to his limit, Hyunjae pulls Juyeon’s head off his cock with a pop, the string of saliva sending a spark through his nerves. Juyeon whines, bringing his massive hands down to apply pressure on the unattended strain in his pants. However, Hyunjae pulls his arm away with immense force, Juyeon’s eyes darting towards his face with terror and arousal entwined. 

“Who said you were allowed to touch yourself, honey? I don’t think I ever said anything, hm?” Juyeon swallows, a lousy grin appearing on his face. “And who are you to tell me what to do, hyung? We just met and you’re ordering me around? You’re a bossy one.” Hyunjae’s face contorts, his brows furrowing at the impolite way Juyeon addresses him. He’s such a damn fucking brat. “Mm being impolite, I see? Maybe if you’d respect your elders, I’d cater to your needs. But if you’re going to act out of line, I don’t know if you deserve what I have to give you.” A smirk emerges upon his face upon seeing Juyeon’s hips hesitantly buck into the air again, this time a soft whine comes from his mouth. 

Hyunjae leans down towards Juyeon, his hot breath fanning the shell of his ear. “Ah, I guess that confirms what kind of kinks I thought you had, baby. You know I have you wrapped around my finger, don’t try and fight it.”

A sudden tug of his harness has him pushed against the counter top facing the bar, Hyunjae now pressed firmly against his back, his rock hard length pressed to his inner thigh. “Baby, can you strip for me? I’m gonna fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk straight for days.” Juyeon’s knees buckle at the words but quickly makes work of taking his clothes off, his nerve endings sparking continuously and his body on fire. He leans against the counter, his ass on display for Hyunjae. He languidly strokes Juyeon’s ass, spreading his cheeks wide to see his puckering pink hole. Hyunjae lets out a guttural growl before spitting straight onto the crack of his ass, Juyeon choking at the feeling of fluid running down his hole, before he feels Hyunjae’s finger press firmly against him and passes the rim with ease, working his finger shallowly before plunging deeper. An audible sigh echos around the bar as Hyunjae works him open. Hyunjae adds another finger, seemingly satisfying Juyeon as his dick twitches against his stomach. It seems like Juyeon is trying to hold back from giving him any reaction, his face scrunched, biting his lips to conceal the moan that’s trying to pour out of his mouth. 

Visibly upset, Hyunjae decides to not only add another finger, but grasp Juyeon’s length. He rapidly starts to stroke and push into him, eliciting the loudest wail from Juyeon who’s now shaking from the amount of pleasure being given to him all at once.

“Oh f-fuck, hyung, faster please oh my god.” His back arches, pushing back against Hyunjae’s fingers as he wriggles to find Juyeon’s prostate. Hyunjae hooks his three fingers and curls them repeatedly as they make a lewd squelch, hoping to make Juyeon scre-

“Ah fuck baby! Right there! Keep going oh god!” Hyunjae grins, happy that he’s sent Juyeon into subspace. Juyeons jaw hangs open as he grips Hyunjae’s arm with intense strength. However, to Juyeon’s startling dismay, Hyunjae releases his cock and pulls his fingers out, Juyeon whipping his head around with a fierce look in his eyes. 

“You dropped the honorifics again, you brat.” Hyunjae challenges the fierce look with one of utmost displeasure. Juyeon’s grip on the bar tightens, his desire to manhandle Hyunjae and dominate him close to overflowing. But, he keeps his cool, knowing that if he lost his control, he’d also end up with blue balls tonight. 

“I’m sorry hyung. Now can you please fuck me? I think we’re both pretty damn horny right now.” Hyunjae lets out a loud cackle, shocked by how blunt Juyeon was. “Yes baby, no need to be so impatient.” He spits in his hand, lathering his own cock with it. Juyeon peers behind him, only to roll his eyes back at the scene of Hyunjae staring at him with half-lidded eyes as he strokes his cock lazily. Hyunjae grips Juyeon’s hip, his tip hitting Juyeon’s winking hole, Juyeon’s back already leaning into Hyunjae’s touch. The press of the tip had Juyeon drooling, his mouth hung open at the pleasure attacking every cell in his body. 

Cautiously, Hyunjae slides in. The delicious constriction around his cock had him gripping harder to prevent him from ejaculating right then and there. When his balls pressed against Juyeon’s ass, he let out a wanton moan, Juyeon letting out an audible breath while adjusting to the size of Hyunjae, his breath getting caught in his throat. Juyeon then decides to push himself back, only to come in contact with Hyunjae’s hand holding his harness in place, yelping at the sudden shift on his cock.

“God, baby. Let me adjust... you’re killing me.” And all Juyeon can do is whine, the harness pulled so tight that his body is lifted from the bar. After what felt like a thousand light years, Hyunjae began to rock in and out of Juyeon at a teasingly slow pace, hearing moan after moan fall from his bitten lips.

However, Juyeon had other plans. He finds Hyunjae’s hands, looping both into the grooves of the leather before whispering, “Fucking ruin me hyung.”

And that was all it took for Hyunjae’s self-control to snap. He snarled wildly into Juyeon’s ear, pulling the harness down sharply to pivot straight into Juyeon’s tight walls, hitting his prostate directly in one go. Juyeon’s unrestrained moans make it harder for Hyunjae to keep himself from busting his load, biting onto Juyeon’s shoulders and marking his territory. Juyeon feels completely filled with Hyunjae inside him, pistoning into him at a vigorous speed, his strength surprising Juyeon as he cries out and his back arches at an alarming angle. Juyeon goes to stroke his cock but suddenly feels a bulge in his stomach that has his eyes rolling into the back of his head once again, a raspy whine filling Hyunjae’s ears melodiously. Juyeon reaches for Hyunjae’s hands again, directing it towards his stomach.

“You feel that hyung? You’re fucking me so well, I’m so close.” 

Hyunjae’s pupils are blown wide, the feeling of his dick creating a bulge in Juyeon’s stomach sending him into orbit. His hips move at an impossible speed, wanting to feel the bulge over and over again, an intoxication to the swelling that had him on the verge of slipping over the edge. 

“Hng - God - Fuck I’m gonna come!” a loud groan rips from his throat, his whole body shaking from his intense orgasm as strings of milky cum spill all over the side of the bar and onto his stomach. Juyeon slumps against the countertop, energy sapped from overstimulation as Hyunjae chases his high, completely losing it after Juyeon convulses around him continuously, Hyunjae’s hips stutter as he shoots his load into Juyeon, falling against his back and the leather grazing into his skin. So this is what it feels like to be pressed against him. 

Hyunjae’s post orgasmic bliss relaxes him, his worries thrown out of the window for the night. Even with the sheet of sweat on Juyeon’s skin, he still looks amazing, a litter of hickeys along his neck and shoulders that makes Hyunjae look proudly at the masterpiece he created. Slowly, the blonde pulls out, wincing in sensitivity, his cum dripping down Juyeon’s thigh instantly and his dick twitching at the sight. He goes to the bathroom to get some paper towels, cleaning himself up on the way back before taking care of the younger, his puffy red hole still leaking Hyunjae’s come after having the best sex he’s ever had in his 24 years of living. After tucking himself in, he looks at Juyeon and smiles, one of an innocent angel rather than that of an incubus who just fucked the life out of Juyeon. 

“I guess I won, Yeonie. But that was a great challenge and I applaud you for that.” Juyeon scoffs, leaning against the bar as Hyunjae finds his belongings under the counter. “And who said the challenge was over?”

Hyunjae looks up, Juyeon’s eyes sparkling with hope of seeing Hyunjae again. However, all Hyunjae could muster was a nervous laugh, brushing Juyeon off and walking towards the door leading back to his mundane life. 

“I doubt we’d see each other again in such a big city. I also don’t go back to my one night stands.” But thank you for being one of the best fucks of my life. He wasn’t going to say it aloud, scared that Juyeon’s ego boost would be too irritating, especially when his drowsiness was starting to kick in.

“If it’s fate and we bump into each other again, I’ll consider continuing the challenge. But for now, it was nice knowing you, baby.” They've reached the outside, the spring breeze flying through Hyunjae’s hair as he turns away, leaving Juyeon staring at his back in amusement. I’ll definitely see you again, I won’t accept defeat. Not like this.

~

They did end up seeing each other again. Juyeon persevering through visits to the bar whenever he didn’t have a gig, aggravation emitting from Hyunjae’s being after trying to explain numerous times to Juyeon that visiting his workplace wasn’t fate. But why would that stop Juyeon? arguing against his concept of fate with the fact that their first encounter was fate bringing them together. Hyunjae believed that fate doesn’t just happen once, it happens on multiple occasions. And only then will he believe that it was meant to be. 

“It doesn’t work like that Juyeon! Think about it, how does it make sense when the first encounter could be a fluke? I could go up to any person here and tell them that seeing them here was fate.” Juyeon’s eyes trained on Hyunjae’s face, listening intently to Hyunjae’s understanding of the term. He seems to take an interest in his dispute, amused by the fact that having conversations like this will only draw Juyeon deeper into craving Hyunjae’s attention at all times. 

However, one day Juyeon had stopped visiting Hyunjae, and he definitely noticed the absence of Juyeon’s sandalwood scent surrounding the bar. Hyunjae hated to admit it, but Juyeon helped lift the spell on his dull life, his creativity spread across the canvas the day after their first encounter. Of course, his stubbornness refuses to let him think of Juyeon like he ever existed, but it doesn't stop him from checking the front door at every chance he got, hoping for the beautiful man to walk through the door like his knight in shining armour. 

And after a whole week of waiting (but not really), Juyeon does walk through those mahogany doors. This time, to Hyunjae’s chagrin, he is followed by an unwanted guest trailing behind him. Hyunjae’s smile falls when he sees a brown mullet dressed in a full leather outfit, his face suited for the front page of a magazine. He makes eye contact with Hyunjae and gives him a smirk that registers as plain sinister in his mind.

What... the fuck. 

When his eyes dart towards Juyeon, he’s smiling wide, ecstatic to see Hyunjae again. At this point Hyunjae is seething with jealousy and blinded with anger, even when he was the only one who didn't want Juyeon around. 

“Hey, hyung! I’d like to introduce you to my bandmate, Chanhee! We decided to hang out today since apparently I’ve been neglecting him for too long.” Chanhee pulls on a fake smile as he waves, strangely looking like a member of a royal family for a split second. Hyunjae fakes a smile back, turning his head to Juyeon and shooting daggers from his eyes. Juyeon just stares back with a blank face, unsure as to why Hyunjae seemed so agitated that he was there.

Throughout that torturous shift, Hyunjae had to stop himself from breaking multiple beer bottles when he spotted Chanhee placing a hand on Juyeon’s arm, laughing with his head thrown back like Juyeon was some kind of stand up comedian. How dare he bring his date to the bar I work at after we just fucked a few weeks ago, exactly where they are standing? It was flabbergasting to Hyunjae that someone had that much blatant ignorance, especially right in front of him. Even though Juyeon introduced Chanhee as his bandmate, something didn’t sit right with the way Chanhee now had his hand on Juyeon’s knee. 

Juyeon senses a pair of eyes burning into his skull from across the bar, turning only to come face to face with the human embodiment of envy, an ominous aura bleeding from Hyunjae like a fresh cut to pale skin. Juyeon smiles, knowing that he’s accomplished his mission and that maybe this time Hyunjae will succumb to giving him a chance, to let fate slip from his hands just this one time.

But does fate really work like that?

———————————

Chanhee leaves a few minutes before the bar closes and to Hyunjae’s silent appeasement, Juyeon doesn’t accompany him out, only raising his hand in a slight wave before turning his focus on Hyunjae. His eyes become misted with mischief, knowing how riled up Hyunjae is from enduring the lack of attention from Juyeon. He walks around to Hyunjaes side of the bar only to have his back slammed against the wall, Hyunjae’s slim fingers secured tight around his throat. 

“Care to explain, baby boy? Or will i have to coax it out of you, hm?” Hyunjae shoves his knee in-between Juyeon’s leg, a strangled moan slipping through his lips. The lack of oxygen only increases the pleasure coursing through his body like the crash of waves in an ocean. 

He gasps, unable to form coherent thoughts let alone stop the blood from rushing to his already hardening cock. “Hyung, w-why are you so worked up? Chanhee’s just a fri- '' Hyunjae tightens his grip, his knee bucking up into Juyeon’s dick, a choked up groan falling gracefully from his lips. “Don’t give me that bullshit, Juyeon. I know what you were doing and I’m not having it. You better tell me what the fuck you did wrong before I choke you to death right here.” 

Juyeon can only whimper and whine, Hyunjae’s face so close to his own, his lips grazing and shallow breath blowing on the expanse of his skin. Juyeon taps on Hyunjae’s arm weakly, face going red from the pressure building up in his skull. “Okay, okay hyung. Please let go, I’ll explain.” Hyunjae doesn't even realise how tight his grip on Juyeon’s throat was until he let him go, Juyeon toppling over and gasping for air, his body convulsing from pain and pleasure entwined. Hyunjae towers over Juyeon’s body, tapping the floor with his worn out sneakers and impatiently waiting for whatever lame excuse will pour out of Juyeon’s mouth. 

“You wouldn’t give me the time of day to explain my perspective on fate so I decided the only way to get your attention is to make you wait for me, and to add the cherry on top, I brought my bandmate to validate how you feel about me. I’m sorry hyung, but maybe this time you can actually give me a chance? Let me take you out, spoil you and care for you the way you deserve.” The moment Juyeon’s tepid hands engulfed Hyunjae’s, his walls instantly crumbled, the words coming out of Juyeon’s mouth breaking the sturdy infrastructure Hyunjae had taken so long to build up after having his glass heart dropped carelessly too many times, the pure and beating heart he used to have now an incorrigible piece of muscle keeping him alive. 

His facial features soften looking at Juyeon. Maybe this will heal all his wounds.

—————————— 

Two years later, life couldn't have been any better. On that night, Hyunjae agreed to leave his heart in the palm of Juyeon’s hand, hoping that Juyeon had the tender dexterity to stitch it back up and enable him to love ingenuously again. 

Juyeon and Hyunjae went through the exemplary phases of a relationship, from being inseparable like two peas in a pod, to going a week without messaging due to having busy schedules. They’ve had their ups and downs but overall they persevered and loved ceremoniously, the stars in their night sky incalculable like the amount of times they’ve stared at each other with unmitigated fondness. Hyunjae had never felt so at ease in his life, and maybe Juyeon was right, fate had decided to bring them together the moment their eyes met. 

Obviously, this didn’t last. 

With their third year together impending, their relationship comes to a blaring halt, a sickly itch permeating through their bond with prior complications appearing again in a crepuscular surge. Hyunjae struggles to make his art pieces known to the outer world and Juyeon gradually feels exasperated by Hyunjae, his support getting rejected in a time where Hyunjae seemingly needed it most. Everyday resembled the last, and it looked like Hyunjae was back to square one; a parallel world that looked identical to when Juyeon wasn’t present in his life. 

His head falls to the table with a thump, the feeling of emptiness wedges itself within him, the nausea contributing to the pounding in his temples. He walks into the living room of their shared apartment, searching for something or someone to relieve the pain, but to no avail. Juyeon had stormed out after they had an argument about Hyunjae’s self-hatred, stemming from his inability to admire what he produces on a blank canvas. Juyeon had told him time after time that whatever he cultivates is purely from his soul, the blank page expresses his emotions from the time the brush caresses the canvas to when it's filled with a deluge of colours. However, Hyunjae’s mind was relentless, unable to believe the words Juyeon has said. 

Someone who isn’t an artist can never understand what it’s like to look at your own artwork and believe they could have done better. And it stung, knowing that Juyeon is beginning to drift further and further away from Hyunjae. That the man who gave him the world is about to take it back, all due to the crippling selfishness built up in Hyunjae’s skull. He emits a defeated sigh, falling against the tattered couch, awaiting Juyeon’s arrival back into his arms and hoping that it would alleviate the aching in his barren chest.

Juyeon had wandered aimlessly around the city after their heated argument had led him to be blinded with rage, a frustrating sensation bubbling up within him though he knew better than to release that directly towards Hyunjae. How could he ever? He had to calm down so that he could go back to comfort Hyunjae, naturally the first thought that came to mind was to call Chanhee. 

He rarely hung out with this boy after Hyunjae found out that not only was Chanhee his bandmate, but also his ex. They ended the relationship on good terms, hence being able to withstand being in a band together even after the whole ordeal played out. Just when Juyeon was about to message him, his phone vibrated in his pocket, bringing Juyeon’s attention to the slightly busted screen as it illuminated his face.

mullet boy

Hey Yeonie, miss you :-( kinda want company atm r u free??

Juyeon immediately replies, also needing a friend during his time away from Hyunjae.

big hand bassist  
Hey Chanhee! Yes of course, I’m in dire need of a friend too :-D

mullet boy

Nice, I’ll meet you at the coffee place we usually go to <3

And with that, Juyeon was off, striding towards their usual meet up, excited to see the boy after being unable to in any place other than performing on stage. 

Chanhee had gotten there first, eager to see Juyeon after Hyunjae had deemed him a threat to their relationship. He understood that most couples don't stay friends after breaking up because the history between them is too much to manage. 

Chanhee orders an iced americano for the both of them, knowing that it was Juyeon’s favourite drink. He seats himself at a table close to the window, looking out at the night sky and the city lights gleaming from above. Chanhee had just gone through a rough time, catching feelings for his friends with benefits, Changmin. Distraught, Changmin had explained that he didn’t feel the same way, leaving Chanhee’s heart fragmentised on the pavement. 

The bell hanging from the front door chimes, Chanhee’s head shooting up in anticipation, hoping that it was Juyeon who walks through the door. And it was, dressed in all black with his favourite cap and bomber jacket draped across his shoulders, he strides towards Chanhee with a wide smile splayed across his face. Ah, and that’s why I loved him so much. The thought had sprung into Chanhee’s mind like an unstoppable force, his face heating up from sheer embarrassment and guilt, thinking that Juyeon was in a happy living relationship with Hyunjae.

Analysing his face, Chanhee had realised the subdued demeanour and the prominent eye bags sticking out upon his sullen face like a sore thumb, only making Chanhee’s guilt soar as he thought; maybe this is my chance to have him again. Juyeon sit’s adjacent to him, a weary smile painted across his face while Chanhee stares in concern at how hollow his face looks.

“Yeonie… are you okay? You look really pale and it kind of looks like you haven't slept in ages.” Juyeon’s lips drop into a frown, looking down at the iced americano, the condensation trickling down the side of the cup like a day of torrential rain. Juyeon takes in a deep breath while his thoughts convoluted in his brain, the awareness of melancholy dwelling in his chest. 

“I don’t know, Chanhee. I’ve been wandering around for the last half hour. The fight I had with Hyunjae was close to being the last straw but I absolutely hate the thought of a life without him.” Juyeon looked up, his vision blurred from the tears collecting in his eyes that contradicted his sullen smile, percolating down his cheeks like the first shower on a sunny day. Chanhee’s gaze trailed down Juyeon’s face, following the solitary tear staining his cheek. 

That’s all it took for Chanhee to break down in front of Juyeon. All of his emotions pouring out in frustration and agony, the feelings of being denied by the one he loved twisting a sword in his heart until the pain was overbearing, his cries hoarse and strung tight. Juyeon correspondingly shed his own tears quietly at the sight of someone he cared for grieving so desperately, his breathing a sharp heave, convulsing at every hiccup that passes his lips. Juyeon brings Chanhee into a tight embrace, the only way he knows how to assuage the broken spirit in front of him.

After Chanhee’s breathing levels out, Juyeon slowly releases Chanhee, his thumb rubbing circles into his shoulders. Juyeon still had a smile on his face. Even when bearing his own burdens, he would put everyone’s dilemmas before his own. 

And before Chanhee knew, his hands went flying towards Juyeon’s face to interlace their lips and for a second, he thought maybe, maybe, Juyeon still had feelings for him. Not half a second passes before Juyeon rips Chanhee away, a face stricken with abhorrence and animosity looking back at him. His grip on Chanhee’s wrists tighten, the resentment blisters in his eyes as a twinge of uneasiness establishes itself on the surface of his face. 

“…Chanhee, I need to leave. I hope you understand that what just happened will never happen again. I hope you’ll never contact me again, and I’ll withdraw myself from the band if what just happened makes it too unbearable for you. I’m still very much in love with Hyunjae, to the point where it will destroy me and I thought I had made myself clear.” He shoves Chanhee’s arms away in repulsion, putting the blame on himself more than on Chanhee. The tension in the air tightens, Chanhee’s chest slamming with guilt, overwhelming all his senses as he realises his recklessness had just completely annihilated their friendship to turn it into ash, the fire burning out completely. 

Juyeon rushes out of the door, the only thought he had roaming in his brain was; I need to get back to Hyunjae, I need him I need him I nee- He snaps out of the chaos around him, a sharp pain going through his nerves, a unrestrained and deafening howl erupting from his chest into the obsolete night sky. He drops to his knees on the rough cement, grazing through his pants in the process, before dragging himself back to the apartment with his heavy heart in distress and egregious despondency.

———————————

The front door opens with a muted click, a mop of blonde hair rises to stare at the door with the conjecture that Juyeon had arrived home to verbalise any hidden concerns that weren’t discussed during their fight. However, to Hyunjae’s surprise, Juyeon’s aura had altered the entire environment around them. Quickly rushing towards Juyeon, hands scouring his face, Hyunjae wipes away the tears that spill uncontrollably from his sorrowful eyes. 

“Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Was it my fault? Did I-'' he gets intervened with a bone-crushing kiss, one that seemed to vociferate utter heartache and affliction. Hyunjae seemed to understand that Juyeon didn’t want to speak, showing his emotions through his actions instead. His hands trail under Hyunjae’s shirt, his breath hitching at the icy hands burning his tepid skin, to the point where there’s a slight burn atop his velvety skin. Juyeon desperately chases Hyunjae’s lips, his hands tightly gripping Hyunjae’s hair, his lips biting and sucking at his bottom lip. Hyunjae brushes his worries aside for the moment, relishing in Juyeon’s affection with overturning lust churning in his stomach. 

Juyeon lifts Hyunjae’s hips, his legs locking around Juyeon’s slim waist as he carries them to their bedroom, lapping wet kisses against Hyunjae’s column and bathing in his whimpers. Juyeon throws him down onto the bed and strips in front of Hyunjae, an indication for the blonde below him to emulate his movements. After they have bared themselves to each other, they stare, vulnerability arising in their eyes in a coagulated metaphor of putting their guard down, their raw emotions drowning out all conflicts and suffering to simmer down to a vigorous and brazen captivation entwined as one. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Juyeon thinks out loud.

Silence fills the room, like a thick fog had just been dispersed, settling around them like a weighted pressure that they both unknowingly sensed.

“I love you so, so much, hyung. You deserve everything good in this world. I can’t fathom a day without you and at the same time, I know that you’re worth more than I can afford. But I can’t let you go. Not like this.” 

With that, Juyeon is on top of him, their lips locking like this kiss was their last. Hyunjae's mind was clouded with foreboding fear, an uncomfortable feeling oozing through his bones like molten lava out of an erupting volcano and tears from his eyes slipping down the sides of his face in a shock revelation of love from the man before him. 

Juyeon begins grazing his skin with open mouthed kisses, Hyunjae’s lust overpowering his troubled mind as his hands clutch at Juyeon’s hair with defiance, hoping to dismiss the atmosphere with overflowing pleasure. Hyunjae was pulled out of his thoughts, a shocked wail erupted from his throat after Juyeon had bit his hip, involuntarily bucking into Juyeon’s face. Juyeon had not been phased, only capturing Hyunjae’s cock in his mouth after going all the way down, his nose touching his pelvic bone in an instant. Hyunjae shrieks, his grip going rigid. Juyeon reads Hyunjae like a book, knowing what intensifies the waves of satisfaction going through him. He continues, his tongue flicking the underside of Hyunjae’s length, the prominent vein making him leak pre-cum from his reddening tip. He pops off of Hyunjae’s dick, making a beeline towards his winking hole to his tongue right into the crevice, lapping furiously as Hyunjae gasps for air and his hands fly down to grip the base of his cock, staving off his impending orgasm.

“Ye-yeonie, baby slow down. I’m gonna come at this r-rate, uugh.” Juyeon peers up at Hyunjae, his eyes glinting with an emotion close to absolute sin. At this rate Hyunjae can only endure the ravaging Juyeon is about to force upon him, an unshackled wolf in the midst of a full moon, eyes shimmering blood red in lust for power and intimacy.

Juyeon pushes his tongue past the rim, a guttural growl sliding off his tongue, sending shocks to every nerve in Hyunjae’s body. Hyunjae keens, back arching as Juyeon tears him apart bit by bit, savouring the sweet bliss radiating off of Hyunjae’s milky skin. “Oh God! Keep doing that Yeonie!” 

Juyeon’s desire overrides his senses as he plunges deeper into Hyunjae’s hole with his tongue flicking constantly, adding a finger to curl right into his prostate. “Fuck! Baby, please fuck me now. Please!” Juyeon continues his ministrations fucking in and out of Hyunjae’s hole like a starved beast, wanting more and more, leaving nothing to spare. 

“Baby, you taste so damn good.” Juyeon grunts before he bites Hyunjae’s inner thighs, nipping several bruises before sitting back to stare at the masterpiece he’s produced. Hyunjae’s cock now leaking like a hose, twitching from sensitivity, the delicious tip turning from a red into an aching purple as his hips stutter from pleasure and pain. Hyunjae’s tears are now tumbling from his eyes, the thrill overwhelming, his stomach twisting with anticipation. “Baby, hurry I want your cock now. Please baby, you make me feel so good.” Juyeon’s repressed aggression snaps, a growl ripping from his throat when he flips Hyunjae over, taking his arms and securing them against the mattress. “I will fuck you so hard into the mattress, you’ll be screaming my name like it’s the only word you know.” His hot breath blows against Hyunjae’s nape, pressing his cock right past Hyunjae’s rim, bottoming out with a choked back groan as curses fly out of his mouth in desire. 

Hyunjae screams into the silk sheets below him, his body set alight with pure thirst for more; more of Juyeon. Juyeon’s length grazes lusciously against Hyunjae’s walls, drawing out moans that pervade the room, loud enough that the neighbours could hear. At this point, Hyunjae was so deep in arousal that he couldn't care less, with Juyeon ramming his cock right into him with no intent of slowing down. Hyunjae’s mouth was wide open as a string of moans and praises fell from his lips, drool pooling onto the bed, unable to will his mouth closed. 

Juyeon feels like their worlds are colliding, unable to prevent himself from staving off his orgasm. He grabs Hyunjae’s length, pumping with such vigour that Hyunjae lets out a cracked sob, his back arching into the bed while white spurts coat the surface of Juyeon’s hands and the sheets below them. Hyunjaes body collapses, all his energy sapped from him as Juyeon’s hips begin to stutter from Hyunjae’s contracting hole, tightening around his cock like a vice. The coil snapping instantly after Hyunjae breathes out a ‘come for me, baby’ , his hips pushed to the hilt into Hyunjae’s hole, rasping Hyunjae’s name as he comes. 

Panting, Juyeon collapses on top of Hyunjae, his muscles giving way and his weight crushing the blonde below him. “Yeonie, please get off me. You're so heavy.” Silently, Juyeon rolls both of them to the side, his arms wrapping around Hyunjae. The silence that surrounds them is deafening, like an elephant in the room that was uninvited and needed to be addressed. However, not a word was said. Juyeon slides out slowly, wincing as a result of oversensitivity and Hyunjae letting out a small but audible huff as he lays there, waiting for Juyeon to say anything at all but all he hears are footsteps leading to the bathroom. Hyunjae sighs in defeat, the unsettling feeling coming back to him as he lays there waiting to be held in Juyeon’s arms again. 

Juyeon comes back, a warm towel in hand to clean Hyunjae’s sweat off his body, replacing the spoiled sheets with fresh ones for Hyunjae’s comfort. Juyeon falls onto the bed, curling up against him, his breath fanning his shoulder. 

“Hey… I know something’s wrong, do you want to talk about it now?” Hyunjae plays with the fingers that envelope his chest, Juyeon’s hand visibly twitching from the question alone. He shifts on the bed, a hand softly raking through Hyunjae’s hair, sighing into the crown of his head. “Not now, maybe tomorrow.” he slurs, unable to keep his eyes open from fatigue. Hyunjae turns in his arms, giving him a peck on the lips, Juyeon’s gut wrenching at the thoughts that come rushing back of the events that happened prior to coming home. Hyunjae sees a flash of remorse travel across his face, but of course, Hyunjae ignores it. There was no way Juyeon could hurt him like those that did in his past. Juyeon was his soulmate, his best friend, he was the one. So he settled comfortably in Juyeon’s arms, a whispered ‘I love you’ falling from his lips before he falls asleep with no worries floating in his mind. 

However, for Juyeon it was the opposite. Seeing how Hyunjae trusted him so much wiped him out, a stream of self-hatred and nausea washing over him and he felt like he was about to be sick. That night he stayed up, thinking about what to say to Hyunjae and what he could do to stop the pain from getting to him, crying with Hyunjae in his arms like this was actually their last night together before a storm causes a rift in their relationship, one that causes such irreversible damage that no love can heal.

Juyeon closes his eyes, awaiting sleep to take over and before he drifts off he murmurs, “I really love you and I am so truly sorry.

——————————-

The next morning, Hyunjae wakes up alone in his bed, remembering what happened the day before. They never left an argument to brew overnight, the feeling of despising each other was too uncomfortable for the both of them, but last night was one that Hyunjae was expecting. And obviously even after their intimate session, the problems still laid heavy on their minds, an uncomfortable silence drifting around the room like a haunting spirit. 

He slips into a pair of boxers, limping out into the living room only to see Juyeon lost in thought, his eyes unfocused and looking up at their ceiling. Hyunjae walks over quietly, a delicate hand grazing Juyeon’s shoulder, sliding down to intertwine their fingers together. Juyeon squints at Hyunjae, his face painted with apprehension, as Hyunjae’s anxiety begins to grow in his chest.

“Hyung, I need to tell you something.” Hyunjae felt the anxiety rise further in his throat, a blockage of some sort immobilising his ability to speak. Instead he nodded, enabling Juyeon to continue.

“Last night when we fought, I went out to get some fresh air and decided to meet up with...” He hesitated to finish his sentence, Hyunjae already knew who the mystery man was. “... Chanhee.” Hyunjae rapidly blinks, keeping his agitation at bay, hoping that Juyeon wasn’t going to say anything other than that. 

“He was going through a rough time as was I, so we decided to meet up and get a coffee to share our thoughts and relieve the tension we were carrying with us but… after comforting Chanhee, he must’ve took it the wrong way and I didn’t think much, I was just caring for him because he was sad and I-“ Hyunjae slammed his fist against the table, the rattle echoing across the room like skipping rocks in a barren cave. “Just get to the fucking point, Juyeon! Why are you beating around the bush? What? During the time you were out, what did you do? Hm? I don’t understand why it’s so hard to tell me what you did when it’s already been done! So? What? Did you fuck? And you came home to fuck me like some damn whore?”

The words came flying out of his mouth before he could stop them, attacking Juyeon like bullets to his heart. Juyeon’s face twitched at the words, the obvious emotions of pain and distraught crossing his face before Hyunjae turned his back, the tears already burning down his cheeks before he could stop them. He couldn’t bear looking at Juyeon, the betrayal evident in the way he tried to explain to Hyunjae. A grief stricken shrill rings around the room before he’s charging straight back to the bedroom, his vision blurred with petulance and hopelessness, curating multiple scenarios in his brain. Before he could get to his destination, Juyeon clutches his arm, his eyes pleading for a chance to hear what he has to say.

But Hyunjae just couldn’t do it. He breaks free from the grip, tears falling uncontrollably, his heart already self-destructing.

“Juyeon-ah, please. This hurts so much can you just... please leave me alone?” Juyeon’s arm falls to his side, head hanging, his tears dropping directly onto the hardwood floor, his sniffles and choked up sobs only putting Hyunjae in a position of utter despair. He shuts and slides down the polished door, unable to contain his anguish after seeing Juyeon so broken. His face contorts in one of pure agony clutching his chest as he breaks down completely, a shattered vase on the untainted floor. 

———————————-

And now he lays in bed, the third day of ignoring Juyeon’s cries and pleads for forgiveness. The amount of times Hyunjae has heard the phrases ‘Baby, please listen’ and ‘Hyung, forgive me, I know what I did was wrong’ was enough for his patience to wear thin at this point. Hyunjae walks towards the door swinging it open, causing Juyeon to fall back, his eyes blinking hastily in a habit that was triggered when he was confused. He quickly stood up, slightly losing his balance due to the rush of blood flowing to his head. Grabbing onto the wall, he steadies himself as Hyunjae watches him recover from the whole tribulation, shattering his heart, the fond memories of Juyeon’s clumsiness striking him in the face like a kick to the stomach. 

“Hyung, I can explain. Please just hear me ou-“ Hyunjae pushes his chest before he could finish his sentence, a light ‘oof’ leaving his lungs as he stumbles backwards into the edge of the couch. 

“What is there to explain? That you broke my heart after you knew what I’ve been through? All the pain, the misery, the pure hell I’ve been through, and somehow I thought you were the one! What happened there Juyeon? I tried so hard to make it work, and what did you do? You-“

“He! He kissed me! I would never initiate such an act against the person I love. You know me hyung. You know I would never ever hurt you! You’re the love of my life, the one I can’t live without. Please baby, don’t push me away.”

Juyeon drops to his knees, eyes stained with dried tears and streaked with fresh tears that trail down his sunken face. Hyunjae scoffs, inducing a stare from Juyeon that was unreadable, almost as if he had purposely put up a wall between them. Ironically, this time it wasn’t the start, but the end of their relationship. All they’ve been through, the ups and downs, nothing can compare to how detrimental this event has been to their connection, an already severed rope being stretched to the point where it finally snaps, leaving an irreparable bond behind. 

The trust that they had built up over the years was what Juyeon had relied on in hopes that Hyunjae would understand that their admiration for each other can help them overcome this obstacle, but the further they scuffle around the altercation, the thinner Juyeon’s patience for Hyunjae’s stubborn behaviour gets.

“I think you should leave, Juyeon.”

“Baby-“

“Now.”

Juyeon’s eyes gleam over with unadulterated pain and misery, his heart sinking the more he looks at Hyunjae’s stoic face.

And before they knew it, it was over.

The quarrels overruled their love for each other, where the inevitable had materialised, leaving them mutilated. The carnage of emotions leaving Hyunjae soulless, like he had his fragile body snapped in half from the sheer impact of Juyeon ripping his heart out of his chest. To Juyeon, he had given Hyunjae everything, but to Hyunjae, it felt like he had stolen everything from him, including his heart. The fate that they had relied on, slipping through their fingers like dry sand on a windy day, carrying away what was left of two broken souls in a sea of cruel love.

And maybe this love was built to last, but the walls caved in before they could salvage what was left.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has any questions, my curiouscat is https://curiouscat.me/juyolisa
> 
> And if you wanna have a lil chat my twt is @juyolisa <3
> 
> Thank you to everyone on twt who encouraged me through this, I wouldn't have done it without you ILY <3
> 
> Thank you for reading til the end :-)


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